I felt just like the person falling in the painting on the left. Like I was being pushed by blue skinned demons down into a fiery pit.
I pressed the power button in the centre of my laptop, sending it to sleep, and went to collapse in the bedroom.
Huddling under the down duvet, I focused on my breathing and took a step outside my process. I could feel the energy boiling inside of me, like the fire in the pit.
I went downstairs into the shrine room and thought about the mornings events. I had played a part in bringing one of the events to pass. A domain that a friend of mine wanted to use had fallen out of our ownership, I hadn't got the reminder emails, so perhaps the spam-filter and I can both take some responsibility. Contrition is an important part of Buddhism, whilst that doesn't mean beating ourselves up and throwing ourselves into the fiery pit it does mean taking care of our mistakes. I emailed my friend and owned my part of the error.
It worked out fine, she hadn't printed the publicity yet, and there are other URLs we can use.
Later on I was reflecting on the whole days events with Fiona, which included the disappointing news from earlier. I was still in an upset place, but the conversation moved to us talking about things we were grateful for: two beautiful cats, a beautiful house in the shadow of the hills, a growing sangha and so on. We are fortunate beings.
As we remembered each of these things, my feelings changed. Each one lifted me a little out of hell. You might say each of these things was a Buddha to me. Yes the disappointment exists, but it's not the only thing that exists...look around - what do you have to be grateful for? Who are your Buddhas?
post script I've just heard some more about one of the earlier pieces of news I alluded too; the situation is changing again. I'm reminded of the Daoist story of the farmer whose son breaks his leg...